


right where i left you (it’s time to go)

by offgunnized



Series: evermore [1]
Category: Babii, Thai Actor RPF, offgun, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, idk man just two ex lovers sharing a taxi ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:01:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28938192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgunnized/pseuds/offgunnized
Summary: Forced by the heavy rain, Gun shares a taxi ride with Off, the man he left at the altar five years ago.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Series: evermore [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125686
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	right where i left you (it’s time to go)

**Author's Note:**

> very self-indulgent HAHA made this on a whim due to the amount of angst on my tl. title from taylor’s songs tho kinda tweaked it a little. made this during a study break so yes, prolly errors ahead. have fun reading!

“Damn it!” Gun muttered to himself as he stepped outside the mall. The area was already packed with people that he almost stood by them shoulder to shoulder, some already holding their umbrellas and the others busy on their phones, probably looking for a car to book.

Of all the time that it could rain, it really had to be tonight. Gun didn’t bring his car because he had no plans to waste an hour or two on the weekend traffic, not to mention the heat earlier was scorching and unforgiving that the possibility of rain didn’t even cross his mind. 

Well, there goes another decision he regrets making. 

Gun took out his phone to book himself a Grab, but it seemed like the universe truly loathed him at the moment because just when he was about to open the app, his phone turned off, leaving him staring at his own reflection on the blank screen, looking all sad and exhausted. 

Pim’s gonna kill him. That’s the only thing that was running on his mind now as he promised her this afternoon that he’d be back before eight for her dinner. But it’s already half past the hour and he’s still stuck outside the mall with a bunch of strangers, struggling just like him how to get back to their homes. He walked towards the side to look for the taxi lane, only to find it empty of cars but full of waiting and impatient passengers. 

He was left with no choice now. Covering the takeout food he bought for her sister with his sweater sleeve, Gun ran to the other side of the road, and settled himself outside a shop that fortunately had enough roof for him not to be more wet as he already was because of the pouring rain. There was traffic on the road in front of him, and all taxis were already occupied. 

Gun sighed in disbelief. He thought by now the traffic in Bangkok wouldn’t be as inconvenient as it was five years ago, but it looked like the improvements are still nowhere to be seen and the people are still stuck in the same hassle. 

Wanting to go home so badly, Gun, with no shame left in him, decided to run towards an occupied taxi that was still static on the road due to the heavy traffic. Gun opened the door, immediately apologizing to the other passenger who he didn’t get to take a good look at first because he was busy wiping his face and pants that were now drenched with rain. 

“I’m really sorry for the intrusion but—“ 

“Gun?” 

It felt like the world suddenly stopped for a moment, and so did Gun. _That voice. God, that voice._ It has been five years since he last heard it but it was still clearly etched in his brain who owns it. It was the voice that haunted him most nights, but was also the same voice that soothed him in his dark days. 

From his face, Gun put his hand on his lap and slowly turned his head on the left. It was like seeing a ghost, Gun immediately feeling the chill run down his spine and his heart beat twice as fast. He wished it was a ghost, but unfortunately it isn’t. It was more like a specter of his past, one that he thought he already forgot but truly was just buried in the back of his mind. 

“Off.” Gun whispered. He was certain that it’s still raining hard outside, but for some reason, he couldn’t hear it. He didn’t even realize that the car was already moving. 

Gun expected a shout or a scream or even silence from the man sitting beside him, but to his surprise, a smile formed on Off’s lips—a smile Gun knew held no pretense, just pure sincerity. 

“You’re back,” Off remarked with enthusiasm. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine, still feeling a bit jet lagged despite arriving two days ago,” Gun replied casually but with a smile. He didn’t know where or how this conversation will go but he’s already here, so might as well just face the inevitable. “How about you?” 

“I’m good too. Tired, but good.” 

“Uh, excuse me sir?” The driver suddenly called, staring at Gun through the rear view mirror. “Where are you headed?”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Gun almost forgot about him. “Millenium Subdivision.” 

“I’ll drop you off after I drop him. His destination is nearer. I guess you don’t mind having another passenger in the car, sir?” The driver looked at Off. 

“No, not at all.” 

“It may take us two hours on the road, though. Expect heavier traffic because of the rain.” 

“It’s fine.” Off and Gun answered at the same time, making them both chuckle. 

_Two hours. Alright. I can survive this._ Gun thought. 

There was silence for a while. When Gun booked a flight back home a month ago, he already anticipated the chance that he’d see Off. He just didn’t expect that it would be this soon. Truth be told, he already practiced in his head how he’d act should they cross paths again, but it seems like all that has gone to waste now because at this very moment, all he could think of is how he terribly missed Off. He thought five years in US would make him forget everything, but just the first sight of the very man he used to love, or perhaps more accurately, still loves, it brought everything back to him like a tsunami on an empty shore. 

“So—“ They broke the silence together. 

“You first.” Gun said, smiling. 

“Alright,” Off laughed. “Are you back here for good or are you just on a break?” 

“For now I’m not quite sure yet, but it was a one-way ticket.” 

“Do the others already know you’re here?” 

“I only informed Alice. I wanted to surprise everyone.”

“Well, suffice to say that I was surprised, so that makes me the first one I guess.”

“Yes.” Gun chuckled. He felt like Off still had something to say, but no words were further said. “I’m sorry, Off.” He suddenly blurted out. He didn’t even think about it. The words just casually escaped his lips with no chance of getting them back as Off was already looking at him, the latter’s eyebrows scrunched and his eyes confused. 

“For what?” 

It’s already out there, right? So might as well just go with it. “You know,” Gun played with his fingers and stared back at Off. “For running away.” 

“Oh, that.” 

“I’m sorry. I really am.” 

“It’s been five years Gun. I’ve already made peace with it, so I hope you do too.” 

“I did,” Gun answered rather quickly. “I think. It still bothers me at times, though.” 

Off looked outside and sighed. “Alright. If it’s any consolation for you, I forgive you.” 

“You do?” Gun asked, surprise evident in his voice. 

Off turned again to look back at him, a hint of sadness reflected on the former’s eyes. “Yes. In fact, I already forgave you the moment you ran out of those doors.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I already saw it coming.” Off answered with certainty, a curve on the side of his lips formed but also quickly faded. “Weeks before our wedding, I felt it Gun. Your hesitation.” 

Gun couldn’t answer. Other than the fact that he’s lost for words, Off was right. Gun did feel what people call wedding jitters, but at the time, it felt like it was more than that. It felt more like a fear. Fear that everything was happening too fast, fear that things may go wrong, fear that he may not be able to do the things he still wanted to do. All that haunted him, and back then Gun thought he was handling it well, but now he learned that he really couldn’t hide anything from Off. Truly, the man knew him very well. 

“Actually, now that I think about it, I should apologize too.” 

It was Gun’s turn to furrow his brow. “What do you mean?” 

Off gave out a long sigh. “Three days before the big day, I took your phone. You were taking a bath and your phone was just… there. That time my anxiety was already at its peak, and I needed to do something that could ease it. So I read your messages, and that particular one you sent to Alice, it broke me, Gun. It fucking broke me.” Off laughed, but Gun knew very well that that laugh is not as happy as it purports to be. 

Gun remembers that conversation he had with Alice as if it only happened yesterday. It was that night he ranted about the emotions that were filling him up, not excitement, not happiness, but fear. “Off, I… Sorry.” 

He felt the car stop. The rain is still pouring but not as hard as it did an hour ago. Gun didn’t know where Off was headed but he was hoping they could stay longer, here, inside this taxi that smelled a mix of cigarette and lemon. Gun could actually even see the driver often take a peek of them through the rear view mirror, but he couldn’t care less. The driver can listen all he want but what matters here is that Off is beside Gun, and it may not be the ideal place and time, but at least they’re finally having this conversation, the conversation that Gun himself deprived Off. 

“I was so sure of you back then, you know?” Off continued. “And it hurt to know that you weren’t feeling the same.” 

“It wasn’t—“ 

“But I didn’t care, Gun,” Off shook his head. “It was very selfish of me that way, but I didn’t care. I guess I just loved you too much that I set that one aside, thinking that after we say our vows, I could prove to you that you can still be you. That nothing would change.” 

“Off, it was just nothing but wrong choice of words.” 

Off suddenly laughed, making Gun scrunch his eyebrows more. “Oh I’m sorry,” Off said when he noticed Gun’s silence. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. It’s just that, you can be true to yourself now.” He smiled. 

Gun liked to think that Off was mocking him, that kind of dick move that would make him feel so bad about his decisions. But as Gun stared at Off longer, he realized, the latter was nothing but sincere the whole conversation. 

Off wasn’t mocking him. He was just amused. 

“Come on Gun,” Off playfully bumped his shoulder with his. “It’s not like it still matters, right?” 

“Right,” Gun answered with the little pretense he got. He could already feel a lump on his throat, and any minute now tears would form on his eyes. So to save himself for any embarrassment that could befall him in front of Off, he let out another lie. “I actually met someone.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. Back in the States.” 

“I’m happy for you, Gun. Though I couldn’t really say that I’m shocked.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Off rolled his eyes. “Well, duh. You’re a catch, and you should know it by now.” 

“Still the sweet talker, I see.” Gun couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes too. “How about you? Did you meet someone?” 

A smile formed on Off’s lips, but it wasn’t like those of the smiles that Gun saw him wearing tonight. It was different. It looked calm but obviously full of joy. And for a second there, he regretted he asked the same question. Off’s smile was already an enough answer for him. “I did, and she’s really amazing.” Off took his hand out of his hoodie pocket and showed it to him, the back of its palm facing Gun. 

Gun couldn’t miss that shiny little diamond resting on a silver ring that was perfectly wrapped around Off’s finger. It was like a slap on him, right there and then. He already lost Off. 

In those five years he stayed in the US, Gun made sure not to attach himself on whatever he has left in Bangkok, including and most especially Off. He let everyone know that. It’s not only because he felt ashamed of what he did, running away like that from his wedding and leaving Off standing alone in front of all the guests, but also because he regretted it. It took Gun weeks before it finally sunk into him what he did, and truth be told, he wanted to crawl his way back to Off, apologize to him, beg him to take him back. But he realized, what if he makes the same mistake again? What if he puts Off in that same position again? The fact that he had himself all those questions just made him realize more that maybe, it was better that way, that maybe, he didn’t deserve Off and Off didn’t deserve him. It wasn’t the ideal way of parting with someone, and with one’s groom no less, but Gun already did it, so there’s that and he had to live with that.

“Who’s the lucky girl?” Gun asked with a cheerful voice that he hoped disguised enough the pain he was feeling at the moment. 

“Mild,” Off said her name so sweetly as if it’s the most beautiful word to ever exist. “In fact, we’re expecting a baby.” 

“Really?” 

“Yup,” Off took out his phone and showed the screen to Gun. The wallpaper was Off hugging a beautiful woman from the back, his hands carefully placed on top of her belly and his head rested on her shoulder, almost near her neck. The woman’s yellow dress hugged her body perfectly despite her protruding belly, and it hurt Gun seeing how she and Off look perfect together. “We’re expecting to see the little version of her in two months.”

“She’s beautiful, Off.” 

“She is, isn’t she?” Off answered whilst looking at the screen. “She’s really kind, too.” He added before putting his phone back inside his hoodie. 

“I suppose she is. When did you guys meet?” Gun couldn’t help but ask. 

“Three years ago, at work. We got engaged a year after, and got married after another year.” 

It was a relatively short span of time, the intervals between the time they met and the time they got married. Off must have really been so certain of her, and her of Off. Well, she didn’t run away, did she? This is what Off deserves, someone who’s certain of him. Someone Gun could have been and perhaps is ready to be now, but he guesses it’s already too late. 

“I’m happy for you, Off. And I’m glad that despite… you know, despite what happened, you still chose to love again.” 

Off looked at him. “Truth is, you weren’t easy to forget, Gun.” He then looked and played with the ring on his finger, a smile painted on his face. “But she was easy to love.” 

That was his last straw. Gun turned his head to the other side to look out his window just in time for a tear to roll down his right cheek. 

Two days ago, he was just coming back home from the States, carrying with him this little hope to rekindle with his past, although deep inside him he knew this was gonna happen, that he may be coming back home but that doesn’t mean things still remained the way they did when he left. And boy, they really didn’t. 

“We’re here.” The driver suddenly said rather awkwardly. The rain has stopped pouring now, and on his side, Gun saw a minimalist house coated in gray and white. A pregnant woman opened the gate, rubbing her belly as she waited for her husband to get out of the taxi. 

Gun quickly wiped the tear off his cheek before facing Off. The latter was already giving his fare to the driver. “I guess I’ll see you around then?” Off faced Gun before opening the door. 

“Yes,” Gun smiled at him. “You take care, Off. And congrats for the baby! You’ll be a great father.” 

“Thank you Gun. I appreciate that,” Off smiled back at him, nothing but sincerity in his eyes. “You take care, too.” 

The last thing Gun knew was hearing the door close, the sound seemingly cutting the last string that tied him and Off. The car started to move again, but not before Gun saw Off kiss his wife on the lips and go inside their house together. 

It was the painting of a perfect family, one that he and Off could have built too if only he stayed at the altar. 

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, sir, but you can cry if you want. I won’t judge.”

Gun met the stare of the driver through the rear view mirror. He smiled at him. “No thanks, but I’m fine.” 

He wasn’t, of course. He cried on his way home. He didn’t even care that he was on a taxi nor that someone could hear him. 

When he arrived at their house, Pim was almost screaming at him, asking him why he wasn’t answering his phone and other questions as if she’s the older sibling, but upon seeing Gun’s puffy eyes, she immediately stopped. That night, Gun cried again, but this time, on his sister’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3


End file.
